- October 15, 2016
- 4 minute read
- by Staci Gray
I am a big advocate of Stephen Covey’s advice—“Begin with the end in mind.” However, to begin immediately with the end in mind after exiting a mind-f’ing relationship will only lead to more dysfunction.
Please don’t short-circuit the healing process like I did, by setting goals, especially relationship goals, when operating with a dysfunctional mindset. You’ll simply end up repeating the vicious cycle.
What we think affects what we do, and what we do affects the results we get. Therefore, the immediate end goal is to create internal safety by recalibrating our thinking and getting clear on our values. That’s what the first eight choices do.
By choice #9, we’ve been consistently practicing our daily habits and have started feeling like ourselves again. We are operating from a healthy mindset. We are clear on our values. We feel free to dream again. We are excited to make progress towards the things we want in our lives. We’re ready to grow and thrive.
I learned about the Law of Precession from my mentor, Kim Kiyosaki. She has studied Buckminster Fuller’s work on it.
The Law of Precession states that for every action we take, there will be a side effect arising 90 degrees to the line of our actions.
Essentially, it’s this idea that when we pursue a goal there are side effects beyond just the goal in focus.
For example, honeybees buzz around busily searching for nectar. When they set out on these adventures—they are solely focused on going from flower-to-flower to get nectar. But, the larger effect of the honeybee is pollination. The honeybee is likely unaware pollination is even a side effect.
Same with us . . . as we pursue our goals, we gain much more than just accomplishing a pre-determined outcome. The pursuit creates outcomes in ways beyond our awareness.
Setting goals and pursuing them has less to do with accomplishing our goals and more to do with putting ourselves in a position to make an impact. Leave an effect on others and ourselves. Live a life of significance.
Regardless of the outcome, the pursuit of our goals is the main focus. We learn and grow through the process.
With the accomplishment of one goal—there will always be a new one to achieve. Therefore, attaching our internal safety—peace, happiness, and lovability to a specific outcome destroys our spirits.
Instead, set a goal, detach from the outcome, and make the process fun. I call it playing my way to success.
We are responsible for the effort—not the outcome. What we deem as success can morph and evolve as we make progress. This happens because we experience personal growth through the healing process.
Pursuing our goals allows us to grow into the type of person we want to be. Dale Carnegie says, “If you are not in the process of becoming the person you want to be, you are automatically engaged in becoming the person you don’t want to be.”
Who do you want to become? Answering this question clarifies our focus.
For example, I want to be the kind of person who . . .
• Is playful, fun, free-spirited, and confidant.
• Is extremely clear about my goals and not afraid to wholeheartedly and intentionally pursue them, even if it means I must accept imperfections along the way.
• Values my values and my internal safety and is not threatened if a loved one with a different value system approves or disapproves.
• Doesn’t allow how someone treated me to change me into a person I no longer recognize, love, respect, or care for.
• Is safe and secure in every way possible—physically, emotionally, spiritually, relationally, financially, and mentally.
• Can communicate my truth with empathy—in such a way that I own my truth without making assumptions about someone else’s character or behavior.
• Celebrates the pleasurable moments and grows from the painful moments.
• Fully embraces me as I am and laughs through the missteps in life. And I want this essence to give those around me the freedom to do the same.
• Has genuine, soul-felt happiness on the inside that is contagious.
• Is at peace with how I process my thoughts and feelings and the progress I make in my life.
• Sees the silver lining in everything—full of gratitude, grace, and resilience.
• Has more than just a pretty face—I’d rather be known for having a beautiful heart and a well-fed mind.
Pursuing physical, emotional, spiritual, relational, financial, and intellectual goals that are congruent with who we want to become is how we grow into the person we want to become.
Set a goal. Define the daily habit associated with that specific goal. Then get to work. Fall in love with this process and results will come.
Make the process fun for yourself and you’re bound to be unstoppable. Play your way to success.
I’ve found playing my way to success is much more fun with like-minded people around me. If you’re anything like me, then I’d love for you to join our private Facebook group. In order to join, you must read the ebook first. So get the ebook 🙂